So it has been a few days since my last post. Let me catch you up.
Thursday I was at the Spanish competition with 16 student and dear friend Kelly Raines. I spent two days there. So happy to know that the students did their best and it showed in the results. Friday I did leave a little bit to go for a fitting for my new self. I have to get a special one since my back has been used to carrying around an extra 7-10 pounds. I can see how this may affect my posture. while I was there I got to experience all of the silicone replacements and even the custom replacements- so creepy. As I am in there I am thinking- I could go into business making products for breast cancer except for I would have to deal with insurance companies all the time. So maybe not, but someone should definitely come up with some prettier products. Saturday, I administered the SAT. That was not fun, but my job was definitely more fun than the kids who were taking the test. I got home around 2:00 and I went out on my special date with John. Once home, we found out that Cher and family would be at the house so we spent the next four hours cleaning like crazed people. It was quite humorous even though I did have a total melt down about half way through. Now everything is done. But, cleaning was not on my agenda that day so today I spent grocery shopping, grading papers and getting schedules settled for the week.
I am looking forward to this week being over. John has games on Monday, Tuesday and Friday. Steven has games Tuesday and Friday. They both have quarter test what seems to be everyday. This is perfect, a week full of normal. And I mean that, no sarcasm, I love normal. My normal, while busy and even hectic at times is normal for us. Everything is scheduled, there is a time and a place for everything. Does that make me OCD?
I was unable to go on my date with Steven due to the rain. Looks like Wednesday is the day for me and my boy.
Here are my bumps:
I still feel like my time is being stolen from me. I have everything scheduled. From doctors appointments to baseball concession stand and everything in between. I get frustrated when more is expected of me and I am supposed to be nice about it. Here is my lesson learned: I will be able to say NO when this is over. It will not make me mean- it will make me stronger. Problem is- i don't like being perceived as mean.
I am really starting to struggle with the "radicalness" of the surgery. It hit me as I am getting molds of my tatas for a a couple of prosthesis. Then you see the model of what I am going to look like- It really is awkward. Then to hear "it is only temporary" really makes me angry. No it is permanent, my boobs will be gone and the new things I get will be my stomach reformed to look like breast. Then we want to know what I am going to do with my hair. To which the answer is nothing- I won't have any. This is where that all american superficiality comes in. It is about what we look like - not the battles we fight to stay alive. Hey folks I have cancer, if it is in my lymph nodes- it could be spreading as we speak. How about you let me get healed and then we will worry about my lack of boobs or what my cute little haircut will be.
Spanish Competition. It was wonderful to see kids preform well and confidently.
Being able to monitor and administer the SAT. So much is put on the value of that test and while I was administering and the kids were so stressed. I could see value in each of the students there. I know them more that any test can measure. There were quality kids in that room and the world will be better because of them.
I am so proud of my boys. Yesterday, in the middle of my melt down, they completely understood. They cleaned, they did everything I asked them to do and more. They are at baseball 3 -4 hours a day, in honors classes and some how keep it all together.
My date with John was a good time. John is a wonderful, loving son. I am blessed !
Did I mention that there are only 5 days till spring break..yep that is a blessing.
I am definitely looking forward to spending time with just the family this weekend.
God is really working on me. That is always good but it is always scary because it means we are going to have to submit something.