Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Do your insides really make you who you are?

I am proud to say that after 24 weeks- chemo is over.  I am a rare breed.  I gained weight not lost.  My hair is already coming back (completely gray).  I did not have to take too many days of from work.  I really think I only slept through maybe 10 of those due to illness.  It really is a God thing.  now, on to the next steps and they are coming soon.
On Thursday, I will undergo a salpingoophorectomy- now that is quite the word for ovary and tube removal.  how bout that for hormone therapy- let's just not have any of the hormone that is killing you.  This is kind- of scary I am now loosing all things female.  Much like chemo- there are benefits- girls think about it.  I am not scared of the surgery, but I am the results.  Will it change the delicate balance inside?  I guess we will know in a few days.  Are you ready for a funny story-
Today, I had to go in to have my radiation fitting, get tattooed (to bad I could not have some nice work some covered by insurance) and set up my schedule.  While having the laser lining up (looks like a cat scan) I had a hot flash, not a little oh I am a little warm hot flash.   It is more like, a steam room in the middle of the desert and it happens in 3 seconds.  Never mind you that I am lying motionless on a steel table in the radiation department of the hospital, where the temperature is never more that a cool 65 degrees. So sweat is dripping down my face and the small amount of hair I have is completely soaked, when the doctor and tech walked back in the room, they were clearly taken back.  The doctor quickly asked if I was ok to which I responded that my inner child was playing with matches (thank you Carol Smith), your air conditioning system is making her long for summer.  He did not know what to do- the tech however broke out in the biggest laugh.  She took the towel that was on my stomach and started fanning me, still laughing.  The doc, finally got it and giggled a little.
Well, even though I can laugh I am a little nervous for this one, because it makes everything so final.  I can have new tatas constructed or added but I can't get new ovaries and it clearly marks the end of well- childbearing.  Is nurturing going to disappear too?  Still, I trust all my doctors and they really do know what's best.
Bumps:  nerves, nerves and anxiousness and people who gossip in the name of "I am concerned for you"

battles:  Trying to balance work, family and healing myself.

blessings:  pink shirt Wednesday, pink flamingos, all who were part of the winter park flamingo and donated in my name, white bean chili, parents showing up to their shifts for football and those who do more, baseball oh how I miss you, really good class chemistry in every class, rain, prayers, letters of prayer and friendship in the mail.  Heather I absolutely love you!

No verse or song tonight- going to bed- sorry