So I have been doing a little thinking lately. It has been 5 months since my first surgery, 3 months (roughly) since the second emergency surgery, 4 chemo sessions, too many doctors appointments to count and I am not half way done yet. Surgery, well that is hard on the body. Having a constant open incision is not fun and chemo, well it sucks but I am not discouraged. Everyday God gives me the exact amount of strength that I need to get just the things that need to get done. I can feel, my body get weaker and it is OK because He has not failed me. Today, I got up and tried a new recipe (which I will not be replicating but I will be changing), cooked dinner (chili on spaghetti squash), went to church and heard a great message, lunch out provided by the Johnston family, mowed, went to Sam's and my day is complete. I would call that a full day. See, it would be easy to just crawl into bed and be miserable but, God gives me just enough to get the "normal" stuff to get done.
I want things to remain as constant as I can for my boys. Heck, who am I kidding, I want things to remain as normal as possible for me. And that is exactly, what I get from God everyday. It is so comforting to know that He is constant.
Well, this may be disjointed today but the sermon was really good today. Not, over preachy. You know the deep theological "why God let's bad things happen" that we have heard after tragedies happen. Nope, today's sermon was so incredibly simple. Did it address that- absolutely. It came down to this. God, does not need for evil disappear to be glorified. He will use the tragedies to be glorified through us. We may not be able to change the big picture but we can change the big picture for the person next to us. Essentially, do what you can for one and plant the seed. That is what I am resting on at this point. I don't have a lot to give but I can still do something for someone. Right now, it is a season for planting. Digging in, studying and doing only what I can. I may never see the fruit of my growth but, I know that seeds will be sown and He will be glorified.
I have read that last paragraph over and over again and I can't seem to get the wording right. But, I hope the sentiment has come across. Be Christ to the person next to you. Whether you are young, old, sick or healthy- don't go out to change the world- change the person next to you by showing them Christ in you.
Bumps: Well the nasty metal mouth and constant nausea is no fun. My nails are pealing off like onions and the hot flashes. Having my own personal summers is kind of funny. I am constantly asking my family, am I hot or is it hot.
Battles: I ready for my incision to be healed. It is almost there but everything slows down due to chemo. Even bug bits take three times as long to heal but having the constant reminder of an open chest is just frustrating.
Blessings: The precise amount of energy for the task that need to be done. A fighting spirit, it is in my nature to fight, to not give up and to be resolved. I have witnessed many in my chemo pods that have given up, it is sad, but that is not in my nature. SEEDS- black and pink anime hair seeds. The realization that seeds are my job and joy right now. Friends that continue to pray. Students who continue to pray. My boys-I could not do this with out them. As corny as it sounds- the food network. It has become my little haven. Doug, I can't say enough about his silent strength. Over the last week he has driven over 1000 miles to make sure family comes first. I love that about him. He sacrifices so much for all of us. We had a very special family give Steven something we could not have given him. SO BLESSED!
Song of the day:
This is the story of Esther. For all my non Spanish speaking friends. It speaks of knowing your purpose in Christ.
I am a part of His eternal plan.
I am a part of His eternal plan.
Verse of the day"
10 Each of you has been blessed with one of God’s many wonderful gifts to be used in the service of others. So use your gift well.