Wednesday, February 29, 2012

So here is the blog all of you have been waiting for:

Let me give you the nitty gritty first- then I will feel you in with my  3B's of the day.

We started, because I made Doug go with me today, at 12:30PM.  We met with Dr. Demmers- the surgeon- first.  After his consultation. We meet with Dr. Maroose- the oncologist and then were to meet with the plastics guru but by the time we finished it was 5, so we rescheduled for tomorrow at 10:30.  I have been poked, pricked (more blood test) for 4 hours.  I am glad we rescheduled.  This is what I know.  I will be having a bilateral mamagram (both will be gone), no reconstruction until later, a port will be inserted for chemo.  I do not know for sure how many sessions but we want to be ready for what ever.  We will not know stage until they do a "sentinel biopsy" in the lymph nodes @ that point we will know the extent of chemo.  I love my oncologist.  She took so much time to be thorough yet didn't give me medical jargon- just facts. She explained pathology reports.  Yes estrogen markers (most common) unfortunately the HER2 (?) was also a big factor which is why we will be joining the league of bald men.  The amount of info is ridiculous.  There is a high probability that I will have an oopharno something (laproscopic ovary removal) due to the results on my braca test.  Again, 2 aunts with breast cance, 1 sister ovarian cancer and a grandmother with ovarian cancer; was the 300 dollar test necessary to show a positive marker.    So now it is on to the races- this should all start to move pretty quickly now.  Surgery will probably take place in two weeks or so, chemo about two weeks after that.

so now the 3B
bumps:  Well I am about to loose two so that about sums it up.
battles:  Now that a course of action has begun I have to start prepping class schedules and more importantly talking to HR.  I am more nervous about that- than going under the knife.  I really did not have to fight for anything today- I have resigned myself to the appointment times- they are guidelines for the doctors to follow.  It made a difference that the oncologist spent probably an hour with us today and the surgeon 30 minutes -so ye it is good.

Blessings:  Kelly Raines- you are a woman of God- your prayer was so uplifting and powerful today that no one could have left with a spirit of fear.  You prayed God's word into me and it IS still and ever present.
Doug- having my oopher and quifer removed will be a private joke for a long time.  Thank you for taking the afternoon off to go sit through all my appointments.  I know a lot of stuff is going down at work and you did it anyway.  Tony Pitts- you covered my class of 25--that is all that needs to be said!  you are awesome!  Lori Chepke- your text came in right at the time I needed it- GOD IS SO GOOD.  I am glad  I did not post my draft blog last night for tonight I might have been eating a lot of crow-
I am nervous but I am confident.  I know there is a plan for this- Jer 29:11 tell me that.  I know that all things work together for good.  And I also know that God must have an incredible amount of trust in me to allow me to be a witness even in time of adversity.  Both the surgeon and the oncologist were complementary on my courage but I have to say that I am a total coward compared to the fierce battle my sister fought.  That is just like my beautiful hermana- to fight the battle before me so mine would not be as difficult.  She was always my biggest fan.  Thank you all for your prayers.  

I love how my blessings list is always bigger than the bumps and battles.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

JV game canceled tonight.  1 hour of driving for nada.  Long stressful day at work.  Got to be super guarded right now and not feeling like I should have to.
I am working on a really bad attitude right now. It is a little ugly-
Is is really possible to be angry, sad, happy, anxious, proud mama, and blessed at the same time?  Why yes, yes, indeed it is because it is how I feel.
 I will post tomorrow. I feel a little cage fight with God tonight is going to happen.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

    It was a good day.  Sunday's generally are. It was an overcast day and there was a chill in the air.  I did not feel well so I went to church via Roku.  Kind of sorry I did because one of the praise songs was my favorite but it was good.  I really just sat around all day. I am storing up my energy..ya no..I was just lazy, anything other excuse would be a  bold faced lie.  I guess that is why the call it the "sabbath".  Funny how it works like that.
    I am ready for the week.  We will talk tomorrow because  right nowI am going to take a little blue narcotic called ambien so I can sleep the entire night through.  I promise I will not text or tweet becasue 15 minutes after I take this chemical confection due to the fact that nothing rational will leave my lips.   

Good night moon

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Tres Leches-

One would think that the word weekend implies rest.  My weekends have never been that.  They have been full of sport, chores, and anything that I needed to catch up from the week.  Today was no exception.  I almost decided that hardwood floors are too much work.  I cleaned and then polished mine today.  They look beautiful but that was way too much work for such a little shine.  I got the laundry done.  Only 7 loads today, but that is only because I kept up with it during the week. That is the chore that never ends.  I cooked spaghetti for lunch and "arroz con pollo" for dinner.  And in my household of boys; cooking is another chore that does not go away.
You may think that I am complaining but, I am not.  It brings me joy to "take care of " the people I love. My soul searching self was thinking about the futility of polishing wood floors today as I polished mine.  Kind-of like a dream within a dream- I digress.  It hit me as I was practicing my best karate kid imitations (wax-on/wax off) - What if I gave up on the things that mattered to me because it was too much work for such little reward?  I realize that most people don't ponder on such deep things while doing housework but I figured since I was on my knees I should take the opportunity to multitask..a little praying, a little waxing, a little cup of coffee- then repeat.  So I spent most of my time thinking on just that. What if-

What if- I gave up on my children because parenting is difficult and there is absolutely no reward for you personally? 
Because I believe if you are parenting correctly-it is all about who they will become- you should have already "become".  Just like my floors- waxing is no fun and it is hard work ( I might be a little sore tomorrow).  But if I give up and only go at it half-ass-  that is the result I will have.  I don't know about you but I don't want kids that have been raised half heatedly because it was too hard.  I want  my kids to know I will never give up on them because I want them to shine. I want them to shine because they are a reflection of God's love.  I want them to become brilliant men of God, not an image of me.

What if I took short cuts with my friendships because I did not have time to do it right? 
 So many times I have run my friends away because I wanted a quick fix- I wanted it to be easy and the moment it wasn't I walk away.  Just like the laundry I have done- I have given into the proverbial "man load"-  you know the one.  Get as much stuff as you can get in the wash and only cold water.  While, everything goes through the cycle, not everything comes out 100 % clean.  There is no room for movement. Here comes the deep though!:  We make out lives so busy, so full of "activities" that we can't move to the things that matter.  It matters to spend time with the ones you love. 

What if I failed to nuture faith, hope and most importantly love?  
I like cooking, I particularly like baking.  Many times it seems that I cook just to turn around and do it all again in three hours and then again and again and again. I can see such a clear connection between food for the body and food for the soul.  Follow along now:  You get a recipe and you follow it and amazingly enough it works.  I have a pretty old recipe book (the bible).  While my confection is in the oven I hope that it will taste good and in some cases I just hope that it will work (prayer).  I have to be patient (I still don't like this one) and then I serve it and most times - It is good.  I cook (I am pretty good at it)-what I want everyone to know is that there is always some love in it.  I do believe it makes it taste better.  
Tonight- it was arroz con pollo with some lovely Godly women- the kind of girls I want for my boys (much,much later in life).  Girlies--thank you for letting me feed you tonight.  Please know that whether you are in the classroom or at my dinner table you are loved!  

This is long tonight- consider it my Sunday morning sermon-  Seriously though.  This cancer thing and the unknown is making me nervous, I like the chores and I value the lessons they teach us.  I am afraid that soon I will not be able to do the little things that matter.  I am sure however that God will use the "down time" to teach me something new.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Big Pink Bows Feb 24

Greeting all.

I hope all of you have had such a wonderful day.  The weekend is coming and that means one thing for me.   LAUNDRY.  Actually this weekend I plan on, no I must, do the floors.  I keep telling myself that I have to polish these things but, everything else seems to be more important, but I can't stand it anymore so it will be done.  The goal is to do it before anyone gets up.  Then as my boys drag their lazy butts out of bed at the break of 12:00; They will say "wow mom you are so awesome, you did this for us, we are the luckiest boys around". Oh wait reality just set it- they will get up and mumble in a somewhat audible tone "istherefreshcoffee?".  

So let me give you my b's for the day

My bumps- I was summoned to the Dr. office today for blood  work.  What should have been a 15 minute prick ended up being a 45 minute wait for a 2 minute test.  All for the insurance company to say oh,,we are so sorry we gambled on you not getting cancer.  Does it really take a braca test for you to figure out that cancer runs strong in both sides of my family and that I am predisposed?    But now that you do have cancer we are going to nickle and dime that deductible out of you before we have to pay out the ying-yang.  The whole thing is messed up.

My battle: Inefficiency! I feel like my time is being stolen from me.  45 minutes for a simple blood draw, 30 minutes to pic up films and pathology, 45 minutes to get it to the surgeons (that only because roads were closed due to the all star festivities taking place in Orlando).  I feel like I have such little time to give to begin with and and it is being stolen.   If I can Skype a lesson to students, along with pdf' graffic organizers and even include an opportunity to quiz, you would think that someone with the tittle DR. or a special litany of letters behind their name (MD ONC LESURG) could scan and send.  That is it!  I have solved that medical system issues.  Hire only people with compulsive disorders to be office managers, and  actually hire people!  If you would like to make and appointment -please select 1.  My other pet peeve- if you schedule me at 11:15 for an appointment- honor it!  If you wanted me to move from waiting room (wait 15 minutes) then triage (blood pressure rising), to the waiting room (always painted in a sterile color), to the lab.  Why not just say.  We will start you appointment at 11:15 but you won't actually have anything done for 40 minutes.  Seriously folks, the lines at Universal's Harry Potter are shorter-  and dare I say it--more FUN.   The bonus is that I did not get felt up today.

My blessings:  I could go on forever- again.  I am surrounded by so much love any support.  The girls LAX team wore pink bows in their hair for me.  That would have been tough for me as a HS girl.  I did NOT do bows and lets just say that pink is NOT my signature color.  I am appreciating God's sarcasm.  He is wrote me a note that said - remember all those time you made fun of the pink bow- heads- yeah this is how I do Karma".  I have a wonderful friend that covered my class today so I wouldn't have to take time off.  Kelly, gracias, mil veces ,gracias.  Chocolate para ti el lunes.  I did have a wonderful nap this afternoon and was not interupted.  It was truly heavenly.

Now the serious:  Before my nap today, I realized how much I love to be alone.  It is in that solitude that answers are clear, I feel very connected to God and in a safe, safe place.  It is where I rest, and where I find my strength.  My soul is quieted and I am at peace.  What I love the most about "this place" is that I can carry it with me always.  It doesn't matter how noisy the day is quiet in my soul.  Have you found your "quiet place"?  

Thursday, February 23, 2012

February 24. 2012

Hey everyone

Just so everyone is aware.  I feel great.  There were a lot of tears today at school since I told all my students.  I really feel like I have the best job in the world.  I teach- and I do so on a personal level.  So when personal stuff happens the students respond personally.  I am so blessed by them.  I hope they are aware of the fact that they make my job fantastic.  I am praying for them, this is going to be tough on them.  Some of them more than others since they have or all experiencing this at the same time. 
There are no bumps to deal with today.  I am still waiting for an appointment with the surgeon, I should hear from them tomorrow and from there oncology and who knows from there.  
The battles: well the battle is still the same- how long does it take to schedule and appointment. Everyone know my issues with lack-o-patience.  I have a feeling a am going to be a horrible patient since I am lacking in the root word. 
 Oh but the blessings my friends, the blessings- there were so many.  Every class was receptive encouraging and loving.  These kids are strong.  So many people worry about the next generations but I see the kids at my schools (SFC and Master's) and I am not worried.  They are strong!  They pray, think and love deeply.  I am humbled.
The ladies in the office....yes.   You can never go wrong with chips and salsa.  They knew the day would be rough and emotionally draining and lo chips and salsa.  I did wait until I got home because I was selfish and did not share.  Zach Lowe-  you bought me a cookie!  I realize that makes me seem easy and yes it would appear that way.  difficult time- chips salsa and a beverage of choice.  difficult day- a cookie, emotional day deserves a cheesy chicken pot pie.  Does anyone else think I may be emotionally feeding myself.  Actually it is much more simple than that- I figure I am getting new boobs, perky ones that will be in the right spot.  I get other work done for free now too so why not enjoy myself while I can.  Pretty sure that if I could work in brazilian butt lift- I would.  And there you have it:  The price one will go to for a upgrade.   Sad isn't it.  

God is good folks- don't get in the way of the blessings he sends you.  Whether it is a cookie, chips or peace.  It doesn't matter.  They are blessings given to us to remind us that He reigns supreme!  So many times we want the big miracle(in my case healing) but He sends them all the time we just miss them.  I got a cookie and chips and they made me feel loved.  That is a miracle!  An old friend calls you "Dear "and you know you are loved.  One word can change your perspective- miracle. Having people think you are special enough to pray for- yep you got it- miracle.   Be mindful not to miss yours today,

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

February 21 2012

So no news today folks, good chance that I won't have any results till tomorrow.   Today, I enjoyed the mom life.  So my younger pitched for the first time since I can't remember when- he did OK and the we got to watch my older finish of a game pitching as well.  So very proud of those boys.

Bump today-In my Spanish III class we are reading a short story by Sandra Cisneros.  We were reading a chapter in which she talks about being "mal nacida"  (bad born).  There is a line in the chapter that says- "los males no tienen ojos", it is a colloquialism that loosely translates "bad things happen to good people".  I generally spend a good 15 minutes having the kids try to figure it out and discussing this idea.  Today however, I just couldn't do it. 
battle-I had none.  JV baseball however- 
blessings:  I have wonderful friends that keep sending me precious words of encouragement. That and the realization that I really do have fantastic boys.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Ok so today was actually not bad at all.  It was just boring.  Let's break it down.

     My bumps today.  Aside from the fact that my kids thought it was funny to see moms refux system kick in while trying to drink the barium was OK.  I don't know why they call it a "berry flavored smoothie"  That implies that it will actually taste like berries, no, not so much imagine - aluminum foil in liquid form- now we are close.  May I suggest a Margarita flavor- heck just give me a shot of cheap tequila (or 10) and  it would be better.  OH and that giant magnetic tube that takes pictures of your insides- creepy/
     My battles today- Well aside from the fact that I have watched Cirque de Solei's "La Nouba" 5 times, might I suggest another DVD.  Unfortunately, I have not watched it chronologically in its entirety.  The whole patience thing might be an issue for me.  Folks, it is a CT Scan- 100% computerized.  Does it really take 48 hours to get to my doctor-you are pushing the send button.  AH--I just want to know how we are going to fight this.  What is our course..I am ready to go  I have a lot of blessings today:
1.  A brilliant nurse has painted a target sign in the base of the MRI machine.  It is classic- while my boobs are hanging letting gravity do its thing,  there is a target sign where my "central parts" are supposed to point.  It was cold enough for them to be pointing.  Whom ever she is- she deserves a raise
2..As I am laying there motionless- I think- OH I love my job.  Can you imagine your job be to reposition boobs all day long-- ewhhhhh.  that is gross!
3. A friend comes to give me a 100% heart felt hug at the baseball game tonight.  You would think that was amazing enough, think again.  She then takes both hands, lays the on my breast and says..we are laying healing hands on our sister.  She did not skip a beat, looked at her husband and said "you too, hands ups, healing hands".  He did not but Missy Mandato- YOU MADE MY DAY!

In all seriousness, the only thing that got me today and made me sad was the though of how much my birthday would suck this year-  how selfish is that.  Satan will steal your joy if you will allow him too.  That is what he does! Good thing I have a savior that already kicked his butt!  This brought to you by:  Jesus-who says.  Where I am you can't be- back off looser.  She is mine!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

bumps, battles and benefits: The big news

bumps, battles and benefits: The big news: Well, by now most of you have figured out. There is a bumpy-bump bump on my left breast. Amazingly enough, I am at peace. I have always...

The big news

   Well, by now most of you have figured out. There is a bumpy-bump bump on my left breast.  Amazingly enough, I am at peace.  I have always been ready for a good challenge, so this will be an adventure.  I feel that the best way to keep everyone abreast (yes, I meant to do that) was to start this blog.  The most challenging part of my journey might just be finding my way around this blessed blog.  Google+, Facebook, twitter and now blogging. The goals of my blog are primarily to keep everyone in the loop and to document my journey, but more importantly I know I will need your support, prayers, and as much positive energy as possible.  Oh my, who would have thought that I would be doing this?  Hopefully all of you will be following me on my journey to discovering the hidden benefits to my battle with the bump. 

Proverbs 12:25

The Message 
Worry weighs us down; a cheerful word picks us up.
 Stay tuned: