SO I skipped yesterday and I almost skipped today. I am tired and I can't really explain why. Oh yes I can..It is the fact that I can't seem to sleep at night. Understand, it is not anxiety, or stress- it is insomnia. Thanks mom!
I made cookies yesterday. Johnathan stayed at home today. There were 6 cookies when I got home, which I promptly took care of. They were delicious. But of course they were. I made them and more importantly they had 1 and 1/2 stick of butter. Why wouldn't they be delicious.
I am trying to keep my routine as normal as possible until the last possible minute. I am going to be selfish with my family the weekend of the 16th. This Saturday I get to proctor the SAT whoo yooo!
Here are the 3B's of the day:
Bumps: Starting to feel a little anxious and having to work through it. Watching the calendar days slip by me is frustrating.
Battle: I don't know how to prepare my family for the unexpected. Heck, I don't know how to prepare me for the unexpected. I am trusting in God fully. I know what is on the schedule but I don't know what comes with that.
Blessings: I have a pretty flexible job. I can eat anything I want now. No dieting- bring on the white stuff (flour) , butter,sugar,chocolate and pasta. I feel like it is my job to get my plastics guy something to work with. I have a group of teachers that would give me their sick days if they allowed to. I have great students that when the pedal meets the metal- they do the right thing. I am absolutely confident that I will get through this. I have total peace.....
Let me fill you all in-
Surgery will be the 19th (bilateral masectomy), a port will be installed. I will feel like the "borg" is taking over my body (resistance is futile). That is what the chemo will tell all of my little fighting cells as it raids my body. On a good note I will be eligible for medical grade, pill form mj. My oncologist said that it is WAY overrated. I will not know until after surgery how many sessions I will do but it looks like no radiation. Reconstruction will take place on June first.
It is all good- I know that I have more faith than a mustard seed so I can move mountains.
Thank you all for your prayers