Wednesday, April 18, 2012

oh it is for real!

I just wanted to update everyone because it has been a few days.
Yes, I am still here, I am not sure I have all my mental facilities but I am here none the less.
Chemo is for real.  And it for real is kicking my butt.  There are certain smells that I can't handle (coffee being one of them) and certain foods I can't begin to stomach (pills are giving me a run for my money).  The Nuelasta shot (the one that raises your counts) yeah, that one- HURTS.  I swear I can feel cellular respiration in my bones.  Imagine shin splints in every bone.  Bones you didn't know exist hurt.  So you can say I feel pretty crappy.  
I have made it to work everyday.  I have sat in a very quiet, dark room during my preps but I have taught.  I did send a student out of my class today(clearly had a fever).  We have begun the process of cleaning desk before the day starts and when the day ends.  I have not lost my temper yet, but it was close today.  The sad part is you feel it happening and you have such little control.  

Pretty sure the doc is not going to be happy with me- lost 7 pounds in 3 days..but I am drinking my water.  Fortunately, that is one thing that stays down  
Fatigue- oh yes- I have that too.  Seriously, do not have any energy.  This is difficult for me, because I am a pretty active teacher.

Well negative nancy--  lets make this better

bumps-please see above.  I will not repeat them- they are on auto play in my mind.
battles:  need some energy- no amount of B vitamins, quercitin,- can't handle caffeine is working but I have to work so I am going to need something.

blessings:  I have lost 7 solid pounds (no need, I know, I will gain them back as soon as I can eat solid foods)
I am able to work.  I hope, if not in just a little part, kids see, that it would be easy to give up, even stop teaching and it may be excused but, that is not what my job is.  I will teach until I simply cannot do it (and then you will have a sub).  Got my hair cut again.  Almost a buzz cut, think I may go back tomorrow and have her buzz it off.  
Got my wig and received a purple wig (very cool) one from a student.  
I have still been able to make lunch and breakfast for the boys (something I like to do).  Sadly though I think they are realizing that momma is pretty sick.

Through it all, I still remain steadfast.  God's provision will be on me.  I have nothing less than to trust.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, sister, I can't stand that you're hurting. Can't wrap my brain around a Liesa without ganas...enegery...I wish I could carry you piggy back for a day...I love you. My heart is with you Liesa--I can't think of much else right now...every thought is a pryaer.