Saturday, April 14, 2012

It is possible to grieve and rejoice at the same time.

Today folks was a normal Saturday, you know the day we like to catch up on the things we were unable to do during the week.  So I did just that, or at least as much as I could.  Dog groomed, groceries, and laundry started before 10:00.  Not to bad.  I had an memorial service to go to at 11:00, got home around 1:00- mom and I fixed some lunch, and then it hit me- I was done for the day.  I went to bed and didn't get up till 7:00.  The crappy stomach is setting in- Doug had pizza and the smell alone-did me in.  Of course, a food aversion to pizza might not be a bad thing. Now, I sit watching a little Cleveland baseball and blogging.  

Bumps:  No one mentioned that smells were going to set me off. Sure hoping that the smell of coffee is one I enjoy in the morning.

Battles:  fatigue, heck, I am not sure how this works but how can medicine zap you dry.  Took the dog for a walk and 1 mile in I was done.  I read that it is the Herceptin that does drains you and in a demonic twist it is also the one that messes with your heart so- take the drug to kill the cancer, and put you at risk for a heart attack.  I got cleared of all my heart issues however Those are some test I do not want to do again.  Yes, to all- I am drinking 100 ounces of water a day.

Blessings:  I got to take my dog on a walk.  tired or not I am just happy that I can go for a little stroll and enjoy the outdoors.  My mother, helped me so much today. Doug is amazed at what she can get done in such a short amount of time (and that he did not have to do dishes).  What I am most grateful for is that I take after her.  What a great example she has been for me. 

The memorial service for Steven Phillips was today, such a beautiful service, and even in this time of deep sorrow for the family, there was a very clear evidence of peace. God is so good. They showed a few clips of him while in the hospital before his passing.  The question was:  How does it fell knowing that you are next to heavens doors (paraphrase)? His response was a gentle reminder we should honor and how unworthy we are to be in Jesus presence, that Jesus is so much more than a good man, or a noble man.  He is the reason we have hope in an eternal life.  The second thing that I thought was incredible special today, was that Steve delivered his girl (the first hands to hold them) and they were the last to hold his as he passed into heaven.  What a special memory that those girls will have. 

I think my biggest blessing today is realizing how incredible of a support system I have.  I have my immediate family.  My husband, Steven and John.  If I could brag on my boys without embarrassing them I would, but know they are jewels.  They are blessed to have the daddy they do, he did a good job.  Then my extended family.  My parents, my aunt who lives in Orlando, my siblings are all such inspirations.  Then my other extended family tios y tias de Honduras who are considered the real deal.  I also have my work family.  I have had the privilege of teaching at some phenomenal schools.  I believe it with all my heart because the people I work with are not just teachers but ministers as well.  

This I learned today:  Grieving, whether it be a death or an illness, does not happen alone, nor does it have to take hold of your every thought.  Yes, I am sad I have cancer, I am sad that I feel somehow "not complete" but at the same time I am happy that I am learning so much about myself.  More importantly I am learning about how special I am to God, and that my dear friend is a great thing.  

"It is in the quiet crucible of personal sufferings, that your noblest dreams are born and God's greatest gifts are given in compensation for what you have been through".  Whitley Phipps

It is well with my soul.
No matter the language-

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