April 11, 2012 was a good day.
Let me just start off by saying today is Heather's birthday. This is the woman who got every friend, bible study compadre, family member and I think people she did not know to write me a birthday card. This woman has gifts but one of the most incredible is her ability to string words together in prayer. Her spirit is so connected to God's and she is so steeped in His word that you feel God's power when she breathes your name. I am blessed to be called your friend.
Today was a really hard day. I have not slept much the passed few nights and I knew when I woke up that I was going to have to temper my temper all day. You guys know those days. The day the continuous click of the pen, pencil tapping and my favorite- the "green" water bottle crinkle were going to drive me up the wall. I must say that it was not in my strength that I did not let the sharp tongue of sarcasm take over. I did remind one of my classes that everyone was equally eligible for the opportunity to be ridiculed (parents- totally a joke- all the kids knew it to). I have an equal opportunity classroom. Unfortunately that also refers to me since I was having a difficult time getting out :" this and these have "t"s that and those don't." Para mis amigos estamos hablando de- este-estos and ese and esos. Hopefully the gift of insomnia does not grace me with its friendship tonight.
Bumps: I start drugs tomorrow. You know the ones that are supposed squelch the side effects of chemo..yeah! (there is the sarcasm you all long for) I see the plastics guy again and re-discuss my options since the reconstruction I wanted to get done doesn't look like it is going to happen. A quick shout out to radiation for that. I tell you what- the number of appointments that I have to go to is kind of crazy. They were not kidding when they said that cancer was going to take over your life for a while. 2 today, 3 tomorrow and then 2 on monday- CRAZINESS.
Battle: See above. The craziness of scheduling. It makes planning in the classroom tedious and quite honestly one 50 minute prep is not nearly enough, then throw on the baseball schedules, and the whole parenting thing doesn't stop. So, I feel like I am always playing catch up. I don't like the idea that I am slacking somewhere. For example, there was a change in the JV schedule and I totally missed it. Since I am the team mom-it is my responsibility to get people to work gate and concession and feed the team before the game. Totally missed the boat. Of course, things work out- sent out the emergency email message and a family stepped up immediately- so blessed to have families that do this. I ordered pizza for the team meal... boring. however, I have not ever seen any of those boys turn down pizza or food for that matter.
Blessings: I had a wonderful birthday dinner with my Doug tonight. We went to our favorite spot "sushi pop". A trendy little sushi place that we love. While on chemo I was told to not eat sushi so that was my last hurrah with sushi for a while. I was great to be on date with my hubby.
Hey- the output in my drain was down about 40 percent- I believe that God answers prayer.
Sleep- I believe that will be a blessing tonight
I kept focusing on the verse: Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25 (actually that whole chapter but for this season this verse)
This is the legacy I want. That I would be known for being that type of woman, that is my desire. I know that it can only happen if my faith rest only in Christ. I know that I can't without Him. I know I am strong willed. I know I can do some things intrinsically that other's can't. I know I am independent and an independent thinker. You would think that those would be great characteristics in order to become that kind of woman but it is quite the opposite. What is required is that I be flexible to God's desires, that I be humble, totally dependent in God and trust that He knows more than I do. I must submit! It is not a bad word nor does it imply weakness. It is quite the opposite. It is freeing. This journey is really not about me. It is just the trip I get to tell you all about. I hope you have enjoyed the ride so far.