Monday, April 23, 2012

been awhile

I have had a few thoughts stirring in my cerebro for a few days; trying to put them all in order and I have a jumbled mess of really good thoughts that make no sense together.  I wonder where God is going with this.  Let me put some of them out there.  

So prom is Saturday (I am chaperoning and making my husband go).  I am so playing the cancer card on that one.  "Honey, I will be so tired- you will need to drive me home- it is a safety thing you know".  But, the girls  are excited and antsy.  They are worried about the "right dress" and the "right shoes".  What they want their hair to be like.  Funny- that is not my concern- by that day I should be completely bald.  I may even rock the bald look just for the occasion. Anyway, it concerns me.  Don't get me wrong  They should want to look their best.  On this night,they should shine.  My concern is what is driving them.  Who   is the judge of pretty vs not?  And why would their opinion matter?  I teach strong girlies.  Girls with intelligence and poise, girls with sass and charisma.  Why on this day, do they cave into societal norms?  Why one this day, does the slutty dress win over the classy dress?  Why does dance become grinding?  So my words, not that they are listening is:  be confident in who you are not what you look like. DO NOT SETTLE for anything that does not appreciate that!
God defines beauty. Now my criticism to the boys is even more harsh.  Seriously guys,  you only want to go with the ones that look good in the picture.  Remember that the words you say do two things.  They edify or the destroy.  Choose wisely!  Remember that you are called to be the head of your household one day and they way you treat girls today will leave an impact.  Appreciate the beauty of Gods handiwork- that includes characteristics more than physical appearance- that will fade.   Whew- I feel better now.

Another is the idea of being in constant communication with God.  As in it should appear that I am talking to myself, constant communication.  Dedicated prayer time should be 24-7.  Not the OOOOhhh Lord Jesus, Maker of heaven and earth, be with your humble servant type prayer; the type of prayer that says -sure could use a nap right now but I am at this job, you know the one you gave me, not sure I am going to be any good for the next class, any ideas? Every captive thought- What I am realizing is....that is more difficult than saying from 5:30 -6:00 I am praying.  I am also realizing that my brain is so easily distracted.   The doctor says there is no such thing but I believe that Chemo brain is real.  I feel like I am in high school again.  Never focus, just managing to get things submitted(most of the time) but hey.I was happy. Just like now.

ohhh I digress-

bumps:  district playoffs are this week and I am a bundle of nerves for my boy.  A lot of pressure on him, team captain, best batting ave in the league, and best on base percentage in the league. He knows the pitchers are coming for him.  Those of us that know baseball know that baseball is a cruel sport.  I must say though his calmness something to be admired.  I am praying for no injuries (like the ones you get from a curve ball at your head to back you off the plate).

battles:  chemo brain- which they say is not real- bologna!  If I am not writing it down- I am not remembering it.  Foggy brain- a note to not take advantage.  Thank you notes, I know I have to but I am overwhelmed by everyone's help.  I don't know where to start.

41 kids in Spanish II and Spanish III received National Spanish Awards. There are roughly 130 kids took the test.  For a small christian school- that is a big number.  Very proud of them.  Evidence that higher standards are effective.  Kelly Raines, you rock.
I am feeling much better.  Energy up a little, but stomach is for the most part settled.  
I HAD A CUP OF COFFEE!!!!! so good.
It is getting easier to say no, I am not able to do that.  Funny how when you really can't-it is very easy to say.
I have been praying my friend Heather's prayer over me and God's power is evident.  Something I will definitely put into practice.  Writing and sending prayers to people.  The gift that keeps on giving.  God's word never comes back empty. 
Understanding that going to bed at 8 or 9 is a good thing for me.
Understanding that God supplies all my needs- priceless.
For people that make good walls.  Everyone has a few of these people.  The one you day- just stand there, listen, do not respond, do not give counsel, just be a wall.  They listen, and then say- done?  good have a great afternoon.

I spoke to a friend today.  Our husbands were in the same unit,and have been close friends for over  20 years.  We became friends becuase they were.  After time in the Air Force we each went different ways and we have been in contact (christmas card, graduation Ohio state vs Penn football, Browns vs. the yellow flag waving people from that town across the river) but today we called and actually spoke.  Life takes us different places but , Jill, my friend, I admire you!  You served our country well!  You deployed too many times, leaving your children behind.  You raised beautiful children.  It is OK that life is now taking you somewhere different.  God has ordained each path and has directed your ways.  May His gentle hand lead you through the "new".  LOVE you and always praying for you and yours.

Thought for the day:  try to for a 12 hour day, hold yourself accountable to being in communion with God.  Every thought captive, not one moment is spent without you reminding yourself that God is with you.  It is harder than you think, and yet it is a command- with a promise (that will be tomorrow)

song of the day:

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

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