Monday, May 7, 2012

I am back...

Today, I went into school.  Not on the clock, but I did check in for a little.  Gosh, I miss being there.   I have great friends, great students, great bosses.  It is such a blessing.  I turned in my chicken salad that I made for teacher appreciation because I really am double blessed that I have great teachers that teach my children.  Then I taught just one section and came home to a wound care change.
I was so very anxious about this because it hurt so terribly bad last time.  I took 4 acetaminophen (that is a double dose of Tylenol) and that was all I needed.  My aunt Jo came to the house to watch and keep me company.  So the good news is the depth has improved by one centimeter.  The length and the width stayed the same but I am OK with that because it is supposed to be healing from the inside-out. Once it was over, I slept like a baby.  I had built so much into the wound change that I could not have imagined that it would have been so easy, not painless but doable.

Bumps:  I am ready and geared up to fight- want to get on the chemo schedule again.

Battle:  I am officially out of days, so everyday I am not at work I am getting docked. I know Doug tells me not to worry and only concentrate on getting healthy.  I feel like I am going to be a burden.   I feel like I am a burden to the school, because I am not in the classroom (and I miss them) and a burden to my family because I am not carrying my weight.  Please do not misunderstand.  This is all a part of moving.  I have not had time to build up my sick days.  I am not angry or even bitter about not having more days- I get it.  It is just bad timing, but then again, cancer has no timing.

Denise: my at home nurse who talked me through what might have been a very miserable day.
My students:  Who were excited to see me.  And appreciated seeing me with a nice wig and bald!  So non-judgmental.  Yeah for them!
My Aunt Jo who comes over just to check on me.  When it quite clearly should be the other way around.
The sweetest compliment from my boss today,  She said " I admire your positiveness".  When honestly, I don't have time to be bitter or angry.  It just doesn't solve anything.  It just makes you feel worse.  But, thank you for recognizing the choice I have made to not let this thing change me.
Food.  I have taken my share of food to others but not until now do I realize just what a blessing it is.
My silly dog, that will not leave my side-   
Rain:  It rained today- I love rain.  It makes everything new.  And there can be no better thing for me than to fall asleep with the sound of the rain (except for maybe new socks).

This is what I know, our bodies are amazing, divinely inspired, uniquely designed and perfect.  I know that as soon as one system starts to fall apart,  they all go into overdrive to try to recover.  And yet, each system is designed for a specific purpose so one can't do the work of another.  Very much like the christian church is supposed to work.  We all have our specific "duties".  When one does not do what is expected, we all pick up the pieces but we can't make it whole.  (I don't know how to fix it but I can recognize it).  I also know that there is something biblical about cleaning out my wound.  You know from the inside out.  That is how God cleans us- From the inside out.  It generally is painful but scars are the reminder of healing.  God is good!

I have prayed for insane, miraculous healing and I got a centimeter.  That is pretty miraculous. I prayed for strength to handle pain and He sent me a beautiful nurse that talked me through it.  I pray for a good attitude and he sends me the gentle reminder.

Ephesians 3:20

 20-21God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. 
The Message (MSG)

Song choice of the day.


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