Sunday, June 17, 2012

how quickly we fall back.

It is pretty amazing how we fall back on our own strength when things go well.  Can anyone give me an amen on that.  My chemo treatment was well, a chemo treatment.  Nothing unusual, nausea, pain yucky mouth (orbit is no help.  Maybe I should get them on false advertisement), and tiredness.  I have still been able to get a lot of things done.  I refinished the deck.  Pictures will be posted later.  And I began the gift for Doug for Fathers day which I was frustratingly not finished. I got a thumbs up on healing from surgery-yet I still have an open wound- gross.  I have been cooking up a storm- so spicy- I can't get any dish spicy enough.  I have found a new comfort food.  Mashed garlic cauliflower,smothered of course with shiracha.  I have felt pretty good- aside from today.  I have literally slept 18 hours.  I woke up to start laundry and cook breakfast, then slept till about 3.  Woke up in time to cook linner.  Spaghetti squash and meatballs, ok by I over cooked the squash.  I say all of this to remind you of one thing- We always fall by on our own strength.     
    I felt so proud of my accomplishment and if the truth be know I think I was seriously looking for "wow how do you do it".  Pride...I hate that sin!  yes, I did some pretty amazing things for being on chemo but I did some pretty stupid things to.  Like push my body more than I should have.  I totally sent Steven and John to a baseball game in a torrential down pour because I did not have the strength to go because of course- I tried to be superwoman and quite literally had to sleep.  Turns out- I missed a great game with great performances from both my boys.

    Pride hides itself so many time behind good intentions and good deeds.  We do things because we want people to be impressed.  Business is how my sin manifest itself.  You see, and the good things I did were truly qualities of the proverbs 31 woman and yet not if I am seeking a complement.  Twisted.

So lets start again:

Bumps: Did you read the above confession?
Battles:  Refocusing, on the the giver of health, and life.
Blessings:  Conviction in gentle ways.  See mine was that today I could not muster the strength to get out of bed.  I could not do it, there was no "pushing through it" no "get up and go".  
 I have tremendous kids and husband.  Our family is a neat, truly neat unit. We all have a qualities and they work so well together.  My husband is happy I finished the deck and does not feel disappointed that I did not finish the garage. 
I get to have Doug and Steven home for about a week then they are off to High Point North Carolina and Marietta Ga for a two week baseball trip.
I am blessed- so blessed.

Please forgive the prideful heart. 

Verse of the day:
proverbs 11:2

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, 
    but with humility comes wisdom.

Song of the day"

1 comment:

  1. You are an amazing woman! It was really good to see you and Doug yesterday. Keep up yhe good works brave woman.