Chemo round two was today and because it is day one I feel good. Really I do. Let me begin by saying that the staff at MD Anderson is Orlando is great. Since it was storming when I arrived, I paid for valet parking. It is a small price to pay when one is worried about the purple wig place ever so gingerly on her head. The attendants all gave a cautious "should we comment look" until I said- "I didn't want to get my bald head wet, that is a really bad look". Then they knew it was OK to smile and laugh. Reminder, when valet parking your car in the rain- always leave a bigger tip. Infusion was long and tedious. Almost 6 hours today- but I had an art teacher/survivor come in a load me up with some paint, brushes, easel and I was off. Time literally passed so quickly that I did not finish. Barb F. I thing you would be proud. My beautiful aunt Jo came to the house and spent the afternoon with me and cleaned my kitchen. I feel like such a tool because I of course slept. Steven and Doug are off to Jacksonville for a baseball tourney. Johnathan's game was canceled due to rain, He was home so that was good. I really feel good, tiredness has set in- again. Of all the side effects that I could be having that is one I will gladly suffer through. Tomorrow should be interesting, lots of running around with John, I need him to go on and get that permit so all I would have to do is ride. But , when I really think about it I am kind of glad he still "needs" me.
Bumps: Long, long day sitting in a solitary room. Since I have an open incision still I am in solitary while on the chemo pods. Kind of ridiculous if you ask me since we still share the bathrooms with everyone. I like the pods much better, you get to talk to others, share with others, and just feel like your one of the group.
Battles: 2 down 4 to go! I am praying to not get discouraged and realize that it is only temporary. I trained for a mini triatholon for more time than I will be on chemo drugs. So for all of you "athletics serve no purpose" people. I beg to differ in opinion. A life a "training" has prepped me for this.
Blessing: So many kind words of encouragement today. I am so blessed to know that I do not stand alone.
While on my way to appointments the other day, I was singing a Chris Tomlin song (loudly) in my car and the word forever struck me. Particularly in a praise song. "Forever" seems to be one of the words like "awsome" and "fantastic"- that are so frequently used that the power behind them is lost. I tell my husband, children, students and friends. I love you forever, or I will be forever in you debt but I can only love for a finite amount of time. Let that steep in for a little. I can love for the moment of birth(mine or theirs) till the moment of death. The emotion can continue, you will argue, after one dies for the living. But it can not be shared.
I really hope that we are not looking for deep dogma or doctrine in simple, truly simple words. His forever is infinite. Before conception till after death, forever is truly forever. That is how God rolls. Don't over think- just soak up the fact that He, God, maker of heaven and earth loves you FOREVER!
I have been bombarded with little tidbits of blessings in the last few days that it would be nearly impossible to mention them all but I would be remiss if I did not quote a pastor friend. he quoted "How many times have I left the throne of grace unattended because I was too busy bowing at some thrown of sinful humanity"? We are such creatures of judgment. We constantly compare ourselves to others. Sometimes it is good that we recognize of faults but most of the times we do it to boost our own self-centered attitudes. I thought about that for a while and know that too many times I have forgotten the God's grace. I want to live in a love centered, grace given place. Idealistic, yes- but in my life and for my convictions, I would rather accept someone where they are than leave them discouraged, quilt ridden and with with no hope for the future. For we have all sinned and fallen short, lest we forget.
Song for today: Chris Tomlin "how can I keep from singing your name"
Verse for today: I Corinthians 9:19-23(message)Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!